Fear and Loathing: The Portfolio

'Well, how did I get here?'

Navigating the realm of building a portfolio has been a perpetual challenge throughout my career, and is a common, unpleasant struggle shared among artists and designers. It's a task I have consistently and pretty successfully avoided, ranking high on the list of activities I feared and loathed. I've never truly had what one might call a "proper" portfolio. While I did showcase a few abridged projects under a single umbrella, it was a half-hearted effort, driven by a sense of obligation and misguided narratives.

And you may ask yourself, 'Well, how did I get here?'

New Cinaart.com

Over the past two years, a sense of aimlessness crept into my professional journey. Although it might not have been immediately apparent externally, I felt an internal wandering or blurred focus. I'm someone who is intentional about my actions and choices, and I eventually came to the realization that I had veered off the path.

Through the years, I made numerous small concessions to my vision, each one nudging me slightly off course. Those seemingly insignificant deviations gradually transformed into accepted norms. The accumulation of those minor detours led me down a totally different route, leaving me burnt out and aimless.

Recognizing that something was off, I contemplated seeking coaching. It took some time, but I eventually found a trusted guide. It involved a process of self-discovery to clarify my desires, once again, ultimately allowing me to rediscover my vision. What I envisioned wasn't drastically different from my previous career aspirations, but it did require significant reframing. It involved envisioning my future, expanding my perspective, honing in on my wants and needs, trusting my gut, and aligning everything to serve myself and others.

In the realm of self-reflection, I shifted back to a "me vs me" mindset. A recurring realization was that my negativity or frustration often came from comparing what I do against the work of others. The more intense my emotions about a situation, the more likely it was that I had let myself down in some way.

In forthcoming posts, I plan to delve into more practical details of my journey but I would say the most important aspect was changing my view from, “I have to do my folio,” into an enthusiastic "I get to do this." This shift in perspective materialized as I figured out a game plan. It took months to fully see it and get to that point.

Let me know if there is anything I can address in future posts but will try and do a couple more on this topic. There is a some new work posted at cinaassociates.com and cinaart.com.

Next, finding energy